Tag Archives: Video

Body Shaming At Any Size

Hey there.

It’s been a while since I’ve written, and even longer since I’ve ranted.

This video has been circulating around the internet lately, and I was incredibly proud and in awe of this brave woman. She is an example of strength and dignity that we all can learn from.

Body shaming is disgusting, and one of the worst forms of bullying out there. Everyone has been a victim of it, I’m sure. Whether it’s for your shape, size, hair, skin, race, whatever, it exists.

I have been the victim of body shaming on more than one occasion. Even when I weighed less than I do now, I had people in my life who would consistently put me down for being “fat”.  Who would point out my every flaw, or just give me “tips” to disguise the parts of my body that were socially unacceptable. It hurts, especially when it comes from those who are closest to you.

There’s one other type of body shaming that I’ve been a victim of that nobody talks about, or maybe it’s just that nobody cares.

Have you ever called anyone a skinny bitch? (I have.)

Skinny girls are torn apart all the time. It seems everyone thinks that because skinny=socially acceptable, “thin-bashing” is okay. Skinny people have it all, right?

Let’s play a brain game. Imagine you overhear the following:

Oh my god, how much weight have you gained? You look disgusting. Seriously. You need to stop eating. I mean it. You look like you’re all steriod-puffy from cancer treatment. Look in the mirror! Can’t you see that you look like one of those obese people you see on the news?

Horrifying, yes? Now imagine this:

Oh my god, how much weight have you lost? You look disgusting. Seriously. Just eat a fucking sandwich. I mean it. You look like a cancer patient after a million rounds of chemo. Look in the mirror! Can’t you see you look like a holocaust survivor?

I’ve heard all of these things from people trying to be “helpful”. I’ve heard it from friends, acquaintances, teachers, strangers . . . nobody seems to think twice when it comes to being underweight as opposed to overweight.

Yes, I was suffering from an eating disorder at the time. But people don’t realize that obesity can be just as much a symptom of an eating disorder as emaciation.  Why is one acceptable to comment on, but not the other?


The girl who can eat anything and never gain a pound might be throwing up everything she eats.

The girl with the hot body who seems so disciplined going to the gym might just feel like a hamster trapped on a wheel. She can’t step off the treadmill to save her life.

The emaciated girl who is obviously anorexic may be fighting for her life, and doesn’t need you to remind her of how bad she looks.

I was out to dinner with a friend earlier this year. She was working so hard to fight anorexia on her own, and was out for maybe her 2nd meal in public at a restaurant. She had ordered her meal, and on her way back from the bathroom, some drunken jerk yelled, “Go back to the concentration camp!” This absolutely destroyed her, and she could only pick at the meal she had so bravely ordered.

You never know when an ill-timed, even well-intentioned comment can throw a complete wrench in someone’s day. Please just think before you speak. And to the asshole guy from the video who is worrying about the example she is setting for children, just remember that your children are watching you more carefully than they are anyone on tv. Would you really rather raise your children to be assholes than overweight? As far as I can see, the assholes are much more dangerous to society.



Filed under Rantings

Get Out And Stay Out

Get Out And Stay Out, from the musical 9 to 5

This was my “Get out of my head, ED” song during my recovery. This is not my bootleg, nor do I condone bootlegging, but I thought you should see the whole video. SJB is pretty stellar, and you should see her whole performance. 

Have you ever seen the movie, “Sleeping With The Enemy?” Julia Roberts plays a woman trapped in an abusive relationship. She fakes her own death to escape her husband, but he figures it out and tracks her down. *SPOILER ALERT* She kills him.

But what do you do when the abusive relationship is in your own head? It’s not just the eating disorder voice. That one I can recognize and separate myself from, but there is another voice. It’s been with me from my earliest memories, at 2 or 3, standing, staring in the mirror, telling me I’m fat and ugly, that I hate myself, and tearing chunks out of my thighs. That voice uses my own voice. I don’t know where it begins and I end, or if it is, in fact, me.

I was horrified this week in school learning about the extent of the irreversible damage starvation can do to your body. It made me realize: I wasn’t waging a war with my body, I was waging a war with myself. I don’t want to destroy my body, I’ve been trying to destroy myself, to kill off the part of me that is so unworthy and unlovable. I don’t know what part that is anymore.

But how am I supposed to leave my abusive relationship? If I run, it comes with me. If I hide, it’s right there beside me. I feel like it’s come down to the final showdown. I can’t live my life with this battle in my head anymore, but I feel like if I try to run, it’ll kill me anyhow. It’s “kill or be killed”, but it’s me either way.

It’s like being trapped in a burning building. Do you try to jump out the window and take your chances or give up and let yourself burn? I’ve got to find the courage to jump. I’m scared of what will be waiting for me. I’m afraid of what will happen if I catch up with myself. This is it: the big battle. This is where it started, and where it has to end.

Wish me luck.


Filed under Fighting Fear

The Best Body Image Advice


Filed under Tips and Tricks (The Healthy Kind)

I Just Wanna Dance

This weekend, in addition to being Canada Day (and Jazz Fest, and some big soccer game, and, I’m told, a Rib Fest), is Toronto Pride. In solidarity, I dedicate this video to all my LGBT friends, and anyone who is struggling for acceptance in a far-too-often far-too-cruel world.

This video was created for some Pride celebration somewhere, in some year, and has made its way around the world, gay bar to gay bar, musical theatre student to musical theatre student, many times over. The song “I Just Wanna Dance” comes from Jerry Springer: The Opera. If you are offended by coarse language, well, I can’t imagine you’d still be reading my blog, but there is some coarse language in the song. If there are young’uns in your house, put on some headphones. There are some good lyrics in there, too.

And just fucking dance.

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Filed under Inspiration, Random Funny-ness

Step . . . In Time

Today I bring you a metaphor, a video, a laugh, and an “awwwwww”.

Meet Hamlet. Hamlet is a mini pig. Best name for a pig ever. Hamlet has a goal: to eat his favorite food, oatmeal. Hamlet has an obstacle: fear. Fear of stairs, specifically.

I know, right?

Hamlet’s stair battle reminds me of fighting an eating disorder. He’s decided he wants the food. There are a lot of steps between him and his goal. He takes the first step then changes his mind. He runs away. His desire for the oatmeal wins out. He takes another step. And another. He hangs out on each step a little while, making sure he’s comfortable, working up his courage for the next one. The more steps he takes, the easier it gets. He’s taken many steps and succeeded, so he knows he can take another. Finally, he’s close enough to take that flying leap. Now, normally my misophonia makes me absolutely insane when I hear “mouth noises”, but COME ON! Is there anything better than a mini pig blissfully eating his well-earned oatmeal? Not much.

Except maybe finally enjoying your own oatmeal once you’ve gotten past the fear.

Is this metaphor a bit of a stretch? Maybe. But did the video brighten your day a little? I’d bet my steel cut oats on it.

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Filed under Inspiration, Random Funny-ness

What Makes You Beautiful

Sometimes, I run out of words. But, when one runs out of words, one can always lip synch. Here’s a little happy from the cast of Anything Goes on Broadway, featuring Liza’s daddy, Joel Grey, and the lovely and talented human being, Stephanie J. Block. Thanks for making me smile today.


Filed under Inspiration, Random Funny-ness

There Can Be Joy In Food

So this week I’ve talked about body stuff and emotional stuff, but there’s a key part of an eating disorder missing here: the food piece.

We all know that eating disorders aren’t really about food or the body, but there are times when it sure feels that way. Many times in the saga of my eating disorder, I would have sworn up and down that I HATED food. Who needs it, right? Meanwhile, I would be crying looking at another woman’s cart in the grocery store, nearly attacking her for her muffins. And since when was The Food Network my TV channel of choice?

Even once I was willing to admit that I didn’t hate food,  and maybe even that I liked it, I never thought I’d eat and really enjoy it again. Food=fuel, and if I viewed it as medicine, I could get by. But you know what? I really like my oatmeal breakfast concoction. Sometimes I’ll proclaim my lunch the best one ever. I may or may not have cried over how good my first real grilled cheese was (read: oil in the pan, REAL cheese, not plastic-wrapped, fat-free slices, and NOT drowned in ketchup).

It’s still really hard to enjoy food. I’m scared that if I like it then I’ll never want to stop eating. And who am I to take pleasure out of food? Deservedness is a hard thing. I’ll get there someday . . .

The other day, I saw a video that made me remember how joyous food can be. I hope that it makes you smile. I hope that it gives you hope.

You’re never too old to try new things. It’s never too late to find joy. Find it where you can, and hold onto it. It’s the little moments that make the dark less scary, and give you little footholds of hope to hold onto.

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Filed under Fighting Fear, Inspiration