Tag Archives: Thanksgiving

The Turkey and The Stuffing

Yep. It’s a song title. From the lovely Susan Egan‘s Winter Tracks. Because in the US of A, Thanksgiving happens in the winter. Well, almost. It usually snows though. Unless you live in a warmer state. Sometimes it falls on my birthday . . .

Anyhow.

This weekend marks Canadian Thanksgiving. I was going to write a post bitching about holidays, but then I realized I’d already done that last year. Last year, I also wrote what I was thankful for. That list still applies, but it’s a nice time to look back and be thankful for all the things that have changed.

  1. My job. In one week, it will mark a year since I started working at the health food store. At the time, it was just a way to pay the bills and get out of the house a couple of days a week. Little did I know it would lead me to discovering my new career path.
  2. School. New friends, a new career to pursue, and new knowledge. I’ve always liked school, and it kind of feels like coming home. I didn’t realize it, but my brain had been aching for a workout. Intellectual fulfilment is important to me, and now I know it.
  3. Career prospects. After leaving acting, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I remember last summer, hanging out with some lovely friends reading tarot cards (yep, tarot cards), I asked what I should do with my life. They essentially told me that I should let go of rigidity and stop searching for something to fulfil me, that the answer would come from finding myself and figuring out my passion. It did.
  4. A chance to give back.  For those of you who don’t know me personally (because those who do know me have DEFINITELY heard about it by now), I was just honored with the opportunity to join the board of directors for a charity I very much believe in. I’ll be telling you all more about it in an upcoming post.
  5. The tough stuff. This year, I’ve learned a lot about myself. It’s been really hard. Part of me wishes I could go back to not knowing. But everything I’ve learned has taught me something, and (hopefully) will be an important tool in making recovery stick this time. “The more you know . . . ” right?
  6. People. It’s been hard learning to let people in, and I’m still not very good at it, but I think it’s worth it . . . I think . . . I hope. But I think people and relationships are what it’s all about, yes? I mean, people can hurt us more than anything else, so doesn’t it make sense that they can heal us more than anything else?

Here’s one of my favorite people. He makes me smile and reminds me why life is good. Ladies and gentlemen, once again, my godson Liam:

He knows how to rock the sandy look, yes?

Happy Thanksgiving to all, regardless of where you call home. What are you thankful for today?

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Gee, thanks. Thanks a lot.

For those of you who don’t live in the land of maple syrup and hockey, today is Canadian Thanksgiving.

Isn’t it strange how holidays have become an excuse for EVERY HUMAN ON THE PLANET to have an eating disorder for a day? Every holiday has become about binging . . . to the point where nobody really remembers what they’re about. Think about it:

New Years Eve: Binge drinking

Valentine’s Day: Chocolate coma

St. Patrick’s Day: Binge drinking

Easter: After “fasting” during Lent, hiding food, then finding it and binging

Canada Day/Independence Day: Drinking and bbq overindulgence

Thanksgiving: Bingeing to the point of explosion, as though it’s the last food on earth.

Halloween: Begging strangers for food, hoarding it, and bingeing

Birthdays (this is where mine falls in the year): Telling people we’re glad they were born by presenting them with a cake

Christmas: Another “last food on earth” meal, and a sock full of food (and toys) left by a stranger

Don’t even get me started on the Jewish holidays . . . namely because I’m not as familiar with them, but pretty sure there’s a lot of fasting, bingeing, and strange food combinations there as well. A very eating disordered religion. (Although, having been raised Christian, teaching children that bread and wine can turn into human flesh and blood can lead to a pretty fucked up relationship with food, too)

So, in an effort to get back to what the holidays are REALLY about (while sitting alone in my apartment, ignoring the fact that there is a holiday), here is my “Thankful” list (abbreviated – you don’t need to know EVERYTHING about me).

I am thankful for my friends and family who have stuck by me through everything, because they are my reason for existing.

I am thankful for those who didn’t stick around, because they taught me that, even though people may leave you, it won’t kill you outright.

I’m VERY grateful to have found a therapist who is brilliant and kind, who is there whenever I need her (even when I’m being an asshole), and gives me hope that there is something better possible.

And (this is going to sound very strange, but bear with me) I’m grateful in a fucked up way for my eating disorder.

My eating disorder is an outward expression of all that is fucked up inside me. Everybody has a little “fucked up” inside them, and most people just learn to live with it. You can medicate away a lot of the pain, and live a reasonably comfortable life without ever dealing with what made you that way. Because I will die if I don’t deal with my fucked-uppedness, I have been given a rare opportunity to figure out my shit and try for a better life. If depression or a pot-smoking habit was the manifestation of my issues, I could probably survive, just borderline miserable. Having no choice but to deal with my problems, someday I can hope to be free of them, or at least not let them affect me.

And, having had a vacation home in hell, I can see beauty in smaller things, because everything seems so much better in contrast.

So there’s what I’m thankful for, and I can consider myself having celebrated Thanksgiving. I don’t need a fancy feast to make me grateful. I’m grateful NOT to be partaking in that . . .

 

 

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Filed under Blatherings, Rantings