The other day I had a particularly nerdy thought, while looking at one of my larger scars:
I decided to add to the thought’s nerdiness by turning it into a hipster-esque picture quote. Enjoy!
Today I bring you a metaphor, a video, a laugh, and an “awwwwww”.
Meet Hamlet. Hamlet is a mini pig. Best name for a pig ever. Hamlet has a goal: to eat his favorite food, oatmeal. Hamlet has an obstacle: fear. Fear of stairs, specifically.
I know, right?
Hamlet’s stair battle reminds me of fighting an eating disorder. He’s decided he wants the food. There are a lot of steps between him and his goal. He takes the first step then changes his mind. He runs away. His desire for the oatmeal wins out. He takes another step. And another. He hangs out on each step a little while, making sure he’s comfortable, working up his courage for the next one. The more steps he takes, the easier it gets. He’s taken many steps and succeeded, so he knows he can take another. Finally, he’s close enough to take that flying leap. Now, normally my misophonia makes me absolutely insane when I hear “mouth noises”, but COME ON! Is there anything better than a mini pig blissfully eating his well-earned oatmeal? Not much.
Except maybe finally enjoying your own oatmeal once you’ve gotten past the fear.
Is this metaphor a bit of a stretch? Maybe. But did the video brighten your day a little? I’d bet my steel cut oats on it.
Sometimes, I run out of words. But, when one runs out of words, one can always lip synch. Here’s a little happy from the cast of Anything Goes on Broadway, featuring Liza’s daddy, Joel Grey, and the lovely and talented human being, Stephanie J. Block. Thanks for making me smile today.
Some days . . . well, most days . . . recovery is really fucking hard. You’ve crossed that hump where you don’t cry into your bowl of food 3-5 times/day, you’ve accepted that you can never be happy looking at your ass in a mirror again (really, were you ever happy with it at any weight?), and you’re generally making more pro-recovery choices than anti. Physically, your body probably feels better than it ever has. No injuries from over-exercising, no hunger pangs keeping you awake, everything starting to level out.
SO WHY DO YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT?!?!?!?
Yup. All that “underneath” crap is still there. You probably don’t even know fully what it is . . . you just know that without your eating disorder to distract you, everything else is hitting you like a fucking brick to the nose. That’s right. Lots of pain, unable to stop the tears, maybe even some blood . . . a fucking brick to the nose.
So while you’re trying to sort through all this shit, you’re gonna need something to hang on to. For some people, that’s religion. Full stop. I won’t get into religion here . . . today, at least. Some people have family to cling to. Sometimes, though, you feel pretty fucking alone. I’m guessing that’s why most of you have found your way here . . . the internet has a way of bringing lonely people sitting in baggy sweats and fuzzy slippers together in a way that would never happen if said people wore said ensembles in public.
Lately, I’ve been frequenting two sites in particular. Minds out of the gutter, ladies . . . and gentlemen. (I recently discovered I have a male reader! Hi Kevin!) One site, StumbleUpon, is good for finding cool shit. The other, Pinterest, is good for cataloguing said shit.
What does this have to do with anything, Kelly? (you may ask) And I will tell you. Sometimes when distracting yourself from general misery and that feeling of aloneness, you find cool shit that makes you smile. Or makes you think. Or makes you cry. Or just plain makes you feel something that you can identify, and the ability to do that sometimes gives you hope that one day you may be able to identify and sort through the rest of the shit.
So, here are some of my latest favorites. May your emotions be activated, and your shit easily sorted.
Mae Chevrette Art
One Man Disney Movie
Favorite fellow ginger:
I Love . . . Her!
If you decide to Stumble or Pin, please share your favorites with me. I can always use some distraction or inspiration . . . or just to know that someone else is wearing sweatpants more socially unacceptable than mine . . .
Sometimes, the best way to fight fear is to laugh in its fucking face. This isn’t always possible, I know, but sometimes it makes things better.
Like, this one time? In treatment? They decided to feed us potato chips at lunch. That’s probably my biggest fear food in the world. T-cat, I know you’ll remember this one . . . So, I was in a wacky mood that day (probably all the drugs they put me on to make me more manageable, but that’s another post . . . ) and decided that, rather than freak out, I would put on a bad French accent and verbally abuse each potato chip before I’d eat it. Sounds crazy, no? Well, just remember that I was in a LOCKED DOWN FACILITY WITH A BUNCH OF SQUIRREL GIRLS (aka “nuts”). So basically, I would say things like
“Look at you, you stupid potato chip. You’re all bent over because your osteoporosis has crippled your back. Eat some dairy, you stupid chip!”
“Look at you, you stupid potato chip. You’ve got a big air bubble poking out the side. That’s because you’re bloated because you wrecked your ability to digest food, you stupid potato chip!”
I know. It’s not the wittiest banter ever. Nor was it particularly rule-abiding, as we had a “no food talk at the table” policy. Sometimes, though, a little humor (or humour) goes a long way. Every person at that table ate their potato chips with a smile on their face, only choking occasionally from laughter.
Now, if you’re looking for someone a little wittier to model your fear-fighting funnies after, I recommend my latest discovery, DJ Flula. He has many wonderful youtube videos, but here’s his most on-topic one:
Please do enjoy, and watch his many other videos mit lots of logik.
Hahaha no. Not that kind of fun. The fun that I’m told people have while eating food. Nope.
A few weeks ago, my therapist challenged me to change up the vegetables in my meals (I like my same shit, the same way, FOREVER, damnit!) and suggested I try a relatively innocuous butternut squash. Well, that butternut squash has been looking increasingly sketchy in the back of my fridge for about a month now.
Now, in spite of the fact that I ignore most holidays these days, Halloween has not escaped my notice. Be it the zombies riding the subway, the even-more-whorish-than-usual girls hanging out downtown who obviously don’t walk in those heels on a regular basis (shame.), or the influx of scary movies on tv (I’m watching The Holiday right now, and man are Jack Black’s eyebrows scary . . . ), it seems I can’t ignore the season of ghouls and things scarier than the nutritional labels in my cupboard.
So here’s what I made, in semi-celebration:
Oooooooooh . . . scary monkey! But he’s not your average Jack-o-lantern . . .
Nope. He’s my semi-diseased looking, uneaten butternut squash. Creative carving, ladies (and gentlemen?). At least I interacted with the strange fucking food. That counts for something, right?