Alone in the Universe

This recovery business is lonely.

I mean, I’m surrounded by people nearly all the time (except at home . . . and I seldom regret the choice to live alone) but it’s a different kind of lonely. The thoughts that go through my head make me feel like a freak. I don’t feel like I can ever answer the question “How are you?” honestly. Even if I wanted to tell people what’s going on with me, the fear of being judged by said people, or hurting said people stops me.

I can’t even cry out loud anymore. I could be crying my hardest next to you, and if you didn’t look at me, you’d never know.

As much as having people around who are going through similar struggles helps in the “I can relate” sense, nobody is there to hold my hand when things get rough. I’m not complaining – I’ve made my choices. Nobody can fight my battles for me, but sometimes I wish I had the courage to say, “This is what is wrong, this is what I’m going through, this is what I need from you” and to have someone there to hear it.

It’s a lonely world. Give hugs. Everybody needs one now and again, and chances are they won’t tell you when they need one most. And listen. Not just with your ears, but with your eyes and your whole being, too. People tell you a lot about themselves without speaking a word. No one is alone, but everyone is lonely sometimes. Let’s make it easier on each other.

 

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4 Comments

Filed under Blatherings

4 responses to “Alone in the Universe

  1. Kelly,
    I wish I could help you out, somehow…
    I love your quote, “…And listen. Not just with your ears, but with your eyes and your whole being, too. People tell you a lot about themselves without speaking a word. No one is alone, but everyone is lonely sometimes.” So true.
    Stay brave. And thanks for this post.

  2. I adore you – and I can totally relate to this. I am lonely a lot as well – which is odd considering there are always 4 children here with me;)

  3. I’m always the loneliest when I’m in the loudest, most talkative casts. It’s crazy how lonely you can feel when you can’t even hear your own thoughts at times. Thanks for this post, Kelly.

  4. Thanks for the love, everyone. Megan, your words are enough. Natalie, I adore you too. Kayla, keep breathing, and remember you love what you do. Also, I love you šŸ˜‰

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