An Interesting Choice

It’s becoming a trend, these award-show day posts. (Maybe I’m just feeling extra blather-y on Sundays.) You’ll note that this one was published BEFORE the Oscars began. That’s one I’ll never miss. I could recite the order of Academy Award categories from memory before I reached teen-dom. It’s a big deal. This is not, however, the focus of today’s rantings.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned (Actually, I do know. I have not mentioned.) but I found a new yoga teacher that I absolutely love. Something about her class just feels safe. I feel like, no matter who else is in the room, there is no judgement, and doing what is right for you is not just accepted, it’s encouraged. In essence, she doesn’t just teach yoga: she LIVES yoga. Big fan.

Anyhow, in her class this week she read us an article (while we were holding a restorative pose – the bolster is my new best friend) about happiness being a choice. This was not a new idea to me. I’ve heard time and again, and even experienced for myself, that if you decide to look on the world as if you are happy, you tend to see the more positive, happy aspects of life, and feel better in the end. Easier said than done, I know, but a good thing to experiment with.

The article wasn’t what got to me, though: it was something she said when explaining it further.  Basically:

Adapted from

That one kinda blew me backwards. Or it would have, were I not lying on my stomach in a frog position with a bolster under me. I would have told you that most choices were based on love or hate. Why do I starve myself? Out of hatred, I would have assumed. But what if it was based on fear? What am I afraid will happen if I stop hurting myself? That is an answerable question, and a more fixable problem.

It opened me up to other questions, too. I know I’m not following my meal plan out of love, so what fear is motivating me? Do I fear returning to the eating disorder? Or do I fear destroying my metabolism further and ending up even heavier from constantly yo-yoing?

Then, it opens up questions about things I love: do I do ballet because I love it or because I’m afraid I’ll get fat if I’m inactive? I think it’s probably a bit of both.

The lesson I took from this is:


No matter how safe you feel in a decision, ask yourself: am I acting out of love or fear? Each answer surprises me, and gives me a deeper insight into the craziness that is my brain. It gives me insight into other people, too. People act in ways that seem hateful, and it hurts. But what if they were afraid, too? Would it be easier to forgive my “enemies” if they were humanized by fear?

This week’s challenge is a double-header: question everything, and try choosing happiness. Let me know how it goes. (Easy enough to do: just click the little “Comment” button)



Filed under Inspiration

2 responses to “An Interesting Choice

  1. I, myself, have always thought of the opposite of love being hate. But they are more similar than they are different. Fear makes more sense. I’m constantly doing a 10 step (in AA), and this is a good point to add to my internal list when checking myself and my motives. Thanks for opening my eyes to a new way of thinking.

    • Thank you for your kind words, and congratulations on your bravery. To look your demons in the face and still be willing to go into battle with them is one of the hardest things anyone will ever have to do. Stay strong.

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